Malaysian Adventure: From City Lights to Jungle Bites

 FROM CITY LIGHTS TO JUNGLE NIGHTS: Our Malaysian Adventure 

It all started at Manchester Airport, armed with bags, boarding passes, and wildly unrealistic expectations about how much sleep we’d get on the plane. We were buzzing with that pre-adventure energy as we settled with the traditional airport pint and wine, the only sensible way to begin a truly colossal Malaysian adventure..... we'll definitely need a few more of these before its all over, I reckon.

Malaysia awaited! First stop Kuala Lumpur, land of skyscrapers, street food, and tropical chaos, before heading deep into Borneo’s wild heart for jungles, wildlife, and (inevitably) mild peril. Spirits were high, luggage was cumbersome, and we were officially off, two slightly underprepared explorers on a long-haul quest for sunshine, sambal, and stories. 

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Day 1.

Kuala Lumpur. 

We survived a horrendous 12 hour flight featuring zero legroom, questionable in-flight meals, and approximately 47 failed attempts at sleep.

But we made it!!! 

We touched down in Kuala Lumpur in the early evening, slightly delirious, and carrying that special brand of jetlag where you can’t tell if you need caffeine or a priest. Rather than throw ourselves into the chaos straight away, we decided on a calmer approach with a few chilled drinks in the bar of our rather plush hotel ....the Park Royal Hotel, right in the heart of the city.

As luck would have it, there was a live duo performing that night. They were effortlessly smooth, playing their way through Sade, Whitney Houston, and other timeless classics. The music filled the bar with warmth and a touch of magic. We found ourselves thinking of Kelly’s dad, Des. This set list comprised of his favourite music, and it brought on all those good memories that songs have a way of pulling right to the surface.

It was the perfect start to our Malaysian adventure: relaxed, reflective, and just the right amount of sentimental. Tomorrow, the real exploring would begin, but for that night, the soundtrack belonged entirely to Des. 

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Day 2.

We started strong with a stroll around KLCC Park, then met some very colourful fish and chilled out sharks at Aquaria KLCC 

Then we soared up the Petronas Twin Towers for epic views.

Wrapped up with great food and live music where I pretended to be classy so I don't look out of place with the beautiful wife

Day 3.

Traded skyscrapers for lush greenery at The Bird Park and Butterfly Centre in what felt like the world’s most chaotic jungle spa.

Wrapped it all up with a blissful Qi Odyssey Spa session that left us floating somewhere between enlightenment and nap mode. 

Kuala Lumpur, you’ve been hot, vibrant, and full of surprises. Proper epic stuff!

Next stop, Borneo, where the adventure goes up a notch! 

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Day 4 – The Jungle Awakens!

KL to Borneo 

After a mere 3hr flight from KL to Sandakan (basically a power nap compared to our previous 12hr odyssey), we landed in Borneo .... land of orangutans, thunder, and instant monsoons.

Checked into the Sabah Hotel, which feels like someone built a resort inside the jungle. Birds chirping, trees whispering, pool glistening.... kinda like David Attenborough meets cocktail hour.

Post-swim bliss, we met our tour guide Ben and our fellow crew of adventurers who’ll be our companions for the next 10 days. There's 9 of us in total. An awesome bunch of fellow adventurers, each armed with enthusiasm and mosquito repellent.

Ben was instantly brilliant, part guide, part comedian, and within minutes, he had us laughing and learning. It was clear from the start that this wasn’t just a tour group, it was a soon-to-be dysfunctional family of sweaty adventurers bound together by curiosity and chaos.

Great bunch!

Then… f'kin BOOM!!!

The heavens opened. Not just rain, this is biblical rain. Thunder, lightning, and sheets of water that make light drizzle a distant memory. Naturally, Kelly and I took that as our cue to go exploring.

Two soggy tourists trudging through Sandakan’s streets, drenched to the bone, while I laughed at Kelly getting scared about the rabid stray dogs as rivers formed around our ankles.

Eventually we found refuge and food! Dripping our way through dinner like drowned explorers.

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Borneo Day 5.

If yesterday was about thunder and lightning, then today is about pure jungle magic.

We kicked off with a trip to the Sepilok Orangutan Sanctuary, where we got front row seats to one of nature’s best shows. The sanctuary rescues and rehabilitates orangutans who’ve had a rough start in life, and seeing them strut their stuff on the feeding platforms was both heartwarming and hilarious.

... and ya know, Kelly absolutely loves orangutans, so really, marrying me was just her way of adopting one full time..... just that I've got slightly worse table manners.

And! On a walk later on we spotted an orangutan mother and her baby up a tree, chilling in the wild! Easily one of the most incredible things we’ve ever seen. Proper chuffed wife.

Next up, the Bornean Sun Bear Conservation Centre, where we met the world’s smallest bears. They all look like Winnie the Pooh on steroids. Each has its own tragic backstory... but also a tongue so long it could beat Gene Simmons' party trick.... so swings and roundabout innit.

They do look very well looked after, bless em.

...oh yeah, theres a fair few massive creepy crawlies and snakes knocking about everywhere. But if the wife is cool, then everything is chill ....... oh, and a massive monitor lizard that likes swimming in the hotel pool... but he's cool, too.

Then came the Rainforest Discovery Centre with epic canopy walkways. I am now officially a bird spotting legend because I spotted a Bornean Bristlehead, one of the rarest, most elusive birds in the whole effin' jungle. The guide looked genuinely impressed. 

Finally, the day took a thoughtful turn at the Sandakan War Memorial, where we learned about the harrowing history of the WWII Death Marches. A sobering and powerful reminder of human endurance in one of the most peaceful places on earth today.

Few beers back in Sandakan now. Tired, sweaty, a little bitten, but absolutely in awe of this place.

Borneo, youre a wild, wonderful beast! Keep it coming!

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Day 6. 

We started the day in Sandakan, doing a slice of the Heritage Walk, a mix of temples and markets. We got our cultural fix with roti canai and teh tarik (a.k.a. your cup of tea when its gone cold). After that, it was time to leave civilisation behind and head deep into the wild to the Kinabatangan River!

Our jungle lodge sat right beside the river, surrounded by rainforest so thick it looked like a green ocean. 

Then came the afternoon river cruise, where nature decided to flex!!!

We saw a male Bornean Elephant just casually hanging out by the riverbank. He was proper majestic, and definitely aware that he’s a big deal. Then, two Rhinoceros Hornbills swooped by, looking like flying dinosaurs. Add to that an entire committee of macaques, kingfishers, and loads of other fancy feathered frolicking....it was like being front row at a Lion King musical 

But then… the crocodile!!!!

Now, I’ll say this ... I hate crocodiles!!!! They’re basically dinosaurs who decided to stick around just to remind us we're still on their menu!

Sharks get all the bad press! Dont be fooled! Sharks only kill 5–6 people a year worldwide. Crocs? Well over a thousand per year!!! And that’s just the ones that make the news. The rest? Well let’s just say they’re excellent at covering their tracks!

Saltwater Crocodiles are right here in abundance!... keeping perfectly still in the water like they're recharging themselves for murder. You can't see them, but theyre quietly watching and learning our moves. Absolute bastards made of armour and teeth. The only reason they've been around for 200 million years is cos there's been nothing on the planet hard enough to evict them.

Total bastards.

Anyway, we saw one from the boat en route back ..... thankfully, just a baby. Once they hatch they're all on their own ready to kill stuff, so no angry mother croc nearby protecting it.

At about 2 foot long, the damn thing still looked at me like I was a snack-sized tourist, though. Horrible little twat.

Anyways, that’s it. Croc: ticked off the list. Don’t need to see another. Ever.

No more of those scaly murder-lizard-bastards, please.

 

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Day 7.

Just before dawn, we were awoken by a loud cockeral who was clearly a twat and had no idea what time zone we were in. Luckily, the soothing calls of Bornean gibbons and hornbills made up for it. Bit like nature’s apology for the rooster's aggressive alarm clock.

... that said, we needed to be up at 6am anyways as we were set for an early morning river cruise. 

As we weaved through the misty jungle, we clocked proboscis monkeys as they watched us from the trees. Add in the long-tailed and pig-tailed macaques, this place is basically a full-on primate party.

After a chill midday siesta, we jumped back on the boat for one final afternoon cruise....our last chance to spot more wildlife and take snaps. So more monkeys, Stork-Billed kingfishers, various Hornbills, and Wallace hawk-eagles, and two more tiny Saltwater Crocodiles ... which i could easily break with my hands, little pathetic shits.

Obvs, once they're fully grown I'm dead...but for now, these puny lizard shits are on my menu. 

Not even worth making a handbag out of them. 

But, the reality is this...Kelly did see a colossal croc submerging on the day cruise. Saltwater Crocodiles are on steroids and act accordingly. I did just about see its massive nose disappear under the water.

That was terrifying!

He knows I hate him. He hates me more.

Let's hope that's that. We are due to go snorkelling in the sea in a few days, absolutely miles away.. saltwater crocodiles also swim in the sea because they're bastards. They also cover hundreds of miles in a few days, because, as you know, they're bastards. Fingers crossed that one gets turned into a thousand handbags before I actually get in open water.

Apex predator bastard.

As the sun set over the Kinabatangan, the jungle hummed, the sky turned gold, and we just sat back thinking that this place is utterly wild.

Sweaty, muddy, occasionally terrifying… but absolutely magical.

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Day 8.

Today began with a visit to the legendary Gomantong Cave. The place felt a bit wild and raw.... and, to be honest, the whole day was....

The cave is a vast limestone cavern, home to millions of bats, swiftlets, and approximately every cockroach in Asia. The walls glistened with bird and bat poop and the floor crunched in ways no floor ever should.😂

I thought it was ace! Dark, dramatic, and full of weird creatures. There was also a shaft of light that broke through from above the darkness, illuminating the swirling bats and cockroaches below....bit like Indiana Jones meets Pest Control.

Kelly, on the other hand, was less enchanted. But she's nails, so she cracked on with it all, bless her.

After escaping the underworld, it was time for our next challenge of a 5hr bus ride through the Bornean mountains. 

Millions of potholes littered vast parts of our journey, and we were sat at the back of the bus, which basically turned every bump into a massive earthquake. At one point I swear Kelly briefly achieved flight again.

Eventually we rolled up to the Sabah Tea Resort perched high in the cool, misty highlands near Kundasang. The temperature dropped a little, the air felt fresh, and for the first time in days, we weren’t sweating our asses off!

Lovely area! 

Dinner that night was a full-on insect extravaganza. The restaurant wasn’t so much al fresco dining as it was an open invitation to everything that crawls or flies.

Geckos covered the walls like tiny reptilian security guards, midges flew around our heads, arms, mouths, food etc

Kelly wasn’t thrilled, especially as she just wanted to eat. I work outdoors, so eating there was basically just like my lunch break. 

To be honest, it was a bit too overbearing. Kel said she's had rather eaten in the batshit cave.

Bless her. She's totally bugged out today. 

Back at the Sabah Tea Resort, the creepy crawly chaos gave way to peace…....and arctic air conditioning!!! I was in heaven!!! Finally, after days of sweating in sweltering heat, I could feel cold again! Kelly, meanwhile, was shivering under the sheets muttering about frostbite, while I lay on top of the bed, butt naked, arms outstretched, basking in the chill....

After a rather testing day for her, I abandoned my arctic bliss, switched the fans off, and air-con down.

She's fast asleep now as I'm writing this ...

What I love about adventure is its not supposed to be easy. I like to be tested. Adventure can be messy and unpredictable ... if it was easy, it wouldn’t be an adventure, it would just be a trip.

There is enough comfort on this trip, but there's also moments that feel raw and real, and that's what makes things unforgettable.

Irrespective of the bugs and crocs, we're having a blast!

Love making awesome memories with my wife.

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Day 9

We kicked off the morning back at the Bug Restaurant for breakfast, the same one from last night. And, not a moth, midge, or gecko in sight? Maybe they just work the nightshift? Breakie was proper nice.

Then it was time to head west, winding through misty hills toward Kampung Kiau, but not before stopping in Ranau which is the end point of the Sandakan Death March. Standing there, knowing what those POWs endured over hundreds of kilometres through jungle, heat, and starvation, was a sobering and humbling experience. Suddenly, the rough roads and long bus rides didn’t feel like much to complain about.

Then it was time to head west, winding through the hills toward the awesome rural village of Kampung Kiau, where we were promised a taste of local life .... what we got was way more than that as it was part history lesson, part caffeine overdose.

We visited a local coffee production house. A super informative and educational insight into it all by the locals. The whole crew of us got hands on. Kelly and I took turns crushing beans, sifting husks, and pretending we were experts. It was a surprisingly educational and humbling insight into how much effort they put into every cup. Genuinely fascinating stuff.

Next stop was the brilliantly named Everything Pineapple, a community project started after the 2015 Sabah earthquake to empower local women. Here, pineapples have been turned into a full-blown art form ... you've got jams, chutneys, juices, and wine (I'm sipping some now as im writing this, very cheeky shiz it is too)

I've gotta be honest, I've never bothered with pineapple stuff before? Whooda thunk it? Pineapple wine? Still don't get the pizza thing, but the wine is rocket fuel 

We travelled further down the road to be served lunch in the home of one of the villagers..... this was a lovely touch, a simple, beautiful moment of hospitality. We stepped into their home to find a baby fast asleep while our host quietly laid out a buffet feast of mackerel, rice, eggs, local leeks, and some spicy ginger condiment that blew my socks off! The food was humble but incredible, the atmosphere peaceful, and we were made to feel like old friends rather than passing tourists.

Really lovely.

After that, we rolled back onto the bus mildly sticky from pineapple juice, as we wound our way through the mountains toward Kota Kinabalu.

We checked into a plush posh hotel there, I tried to get a workout done in their fancy gym, but cut it short because there's bars nearby! 

As ever, tradition dictated Kelly and I found the nearest Irish Bar,, because you're never more than 500 yards from one anywhere on the planet.

Top day!

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Day 10 – Manukan Island

We set off in the morning by boat towards Manukan Island, one of the larger islands in the Tunku Abdul Rahman Marine National Park. The sea, though, wasn’t exactly playing nice. The water was erratic, the waves big and unpredictable, and before long we were clinging on for dear life as the boat thudded over each swell.....a proper adventure before the adventure.

When we finally reached Manukan, it felt like we’d landed in paradise. The sand was bright white, the water impossibly clear, and the palm trees looked smugly calm after what we’d just come through. We spent the day chilling out. The rain eased up and it was nice to wander about and take it all in.

That evening, during our group meal, three guitarists started serenading us at the restaurant. Naturally, that was my cue to get involved. I joined in and played along. I’m fairly sure I made them sound terrible. Still, it was great fun and drew a few laughs from the group.

Just as we settled back after dinner, full and content, the guitarists returned. I was ushered to perform again, so after a couple of chilled renditions of Dock of the Bay and Son of a Preacher Man, I went straight into Metallica's Enter Sandman riff.... no word of a lie here! The moment I started that metal classic, out of nowhere came what felt like a full blown cyclone!!! No rain, just a colossal wind tearing across the restaurant!!!! 

Seriously! It just turned on a sixpence!

The staff dashed around grabbing cushions and clearing tables while we were ushered inside.

I literally summoned the ancient and arcane forces of the underworld by playing a metal riff! 

Fuck yeah!!!!

I left the crew and quickly rushed back to our apartment as I remembered I'd left the towels out to dry our balcony!

Thankfully, they were safely wrapped around the railings... After cracking a can open, I thought about drawing a pentangle on the floor to see what else i could muster from the dark forces....then thought twice.... there's enough evil around here in the form of crocodiles. 

Best leave it be.

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Day 11.

We headed out early for our snorkelling trip and we were all keen to make the most of our time in this tropical playground. The sea was calm, the weather pleasant, thankfully, and the visibility was incredible. We swam among schools of fish flashing silver and blue in the sunlight.....a proper underwater spectacle. 

We saw no crocodiles, thankfully, though I kept half an eye out just in case.

Poor Kelly wasn’t so lucky, she got stung by a jellyfish. Nothing too serious though, proper nails that woman. 

I tried to get some footage as I'd brought along a waterproof case for my phone, but the footage was all a bit erratic and shaky. Go Pro is the way to go, I reckon.

It was very spectacular, with the warm, crystal clear water and an endless world of coral gardens and tropical fish beneath you. Every direction you look, something’s moving or shimmering.....it’s like drifting through a living aquarium. Our local guide took us out to the best reefs, pointing out all sorts of colourful marine life. No turtles this time, but plenty to keep us mesmerised.

Our day finished with drinks watching the sunset, more of my questionable guitar performing, and fantastic food.

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Day 12 & 13 – Kota Kinabalu & Farewell

We made our way back to Kota Kinabalu for the final stretch of our adventure, and the pace shifted down a gear. Time for some shopping in the local markets and shopping malls, and plenty of time chilling by the pool. It felt good to slow down and soak up the last of Borneo’s warmth.

In the evening, our group gathered for one final dinner with our awesome guide, Ben. What a total legend. He’d been everything you could want in a guide. He's knowledgeable, funny, endlessly patient, and always one step ahead of the chaos. Whether it was spotting wildlife none of us could see, or keeping the mood light when we were all soaked, bitten, or tired, Ben made every day better. You can tell he genuinely loves what he does, and the love for his country and its wildlife rubbed off on everyone.

And then there was our crew, what an incredible bunch! They are all social workers, and one a support worker, all of them deeply kind, compassionate people who spend their lives helping others. If anyone deserved an epic adventure like this, it was them. They were hilarious, up for a laugh, and so easy to get along with. You could tell they were all well travelled as they had that relaxed, ready-for-anything attitude that makes a group trip feel like you’ve known each other for years. It was a joy to share the experience with them. Absolutely lovely lot.

Borneo has delivered in every way with its wild, beautiful, unpredictable, and unforgettable vibes. Both Kelly and I love an adventure, and this one will be hard to top. We feel so lucky and blessed to have been able to do something like this together. What a trip.

And so, the great homeward journey begins. We’ve got an evening flight to Kuala Lumpur, followed by a 6hr stay in a day hotel room. Then a 14hr flight to London. Fortunately, we’ve treated ourselves to extra legroom, which at this stage in the trip feels like winning the lottery! We shall be the king and queen of the emergency exit row.

From there, it’s one final hop to Manchester, because apparently travelling halfway around the planet isnt quite enough for one day. 

Our clocks go back eight hours, and just to mess with us further, we lose another hour (or add an hour??? my brain is fried???) thanks to the UK’s decision to shift into winter time while we are away. By the time we land, we’ll have no clue what day it is, or whether it’s breakfast, dinner, or some sort of dream sequence?

But honestly? Totally worth it!!! Every minute. Every insect bite. Every soggy downpour. Every brush with dangerous animals. Because Borneo has been wild, beautiful, and utterly unforgettable.

Now, armed with a bit of extra legroom and a lot of memories, Kelly and I are heading home, sun-kissed, slightly feral, and utterly content. Because for us, adventure isn’t just about where we go, it’s about doing it together.